I Need You
by Makami
Summary: One year ago, Heero tried to kill himself. Ever since Relena's been terrified of what he might try next. But maybe all it'll take to heal those countless wounds is a little love...?


Here's the second in my 'torture Heero' trilogy. I like these. Maybe some time soon I'll try writing a fourth story. This one's from the same day(according to my other account), but I have a feeling it's from an account before then. God, how many emails/passwords/accounts have I gone through? No idea!(okay, well, three accounts, countless emails, and maybe 10 passwords)Oh well. This is where it should be now. It's home. Please read and enjoy.

**I Need You**

Heero stood on the sunlit balcony just outside of his room. He was off-duty, but he stood at attention as he looked upon the lush, green forest below him. From his place, on the fourth floor of the Peacecraft mansion, he could see everything in the back of the mansion. The gardens, the greenhouse, the cliffs that weren't too far off, but most importantly, he could keep an eye close on Relena where ever she went back there, without the fear of being caught spying on her.

But she wasn't in the gardens this day, nor was she simply enjoying the perfect, sunny sky. She was in a meeting back at the Preventor's headquarters. After saying that he seemed too stressed, she dismissed him from duty and took Wufei as her bodyguard.

He wasn't upset about it. At least, that was what he kept telling himself over and over again. He wasn't going to lose his rock hard defenses now, not after he'd worked so hard to be the 'Perfect Soldier' everyone had come to know... He was stressing himself out to the point of breakdown.

A knock came at the door.

He turned around but didn't say a word. It was still too soon for Relena to be back home. She had wanted to discuss something with him when she returned, but it was too soon, and the servants knew not to disturb him.

There was another knock, then silence. He let out a deep sigh, but then...

"Damnit, Heero! Open this door right now!" Relena demanded as she pounded on the door. "Yuy, I mean it!"

She meant it. He knew she did. She never called him "Yuy" unless she was really upset with him. He didn't want to face her when she was really upset. He usually ended up getting hurt, frustrated, then went out drinking.

"Yuy, open the damn door!"

With a heavy sigh he walked over to the sliding door, then stopped, listening to her. Mixed emotions rose from deep within his gut and made him feel ill. He was the 'Perfect Soldier', and any of these emotions were just too much for him to handle.

Relena always made the emotions rise within him.

The doorknob jingled before she pounded on the door again.

"Heero!" It seemed as though she was calming down. "Are you okay?"

Though still not sure, he entered and made his way across the room. He opened the door slowly and hardened his expression.

Her eyes were full of worry and she suddenly seemed too hesitant.

"I kept calling you," she explained taking a step closer and holding her hands together near her face. "I was getting worried that you'd..." She fell silent and looked down. A solitary tear slid down her cheek as she gazed back up at him. "Promise me, Heero, promise me that you'll never do that again."

"That was a year ago, Relena," Heero reminded her, trying to harden his gaze further. "I won't."

"Promise me."

"Just go away, Relena," he pleaded. He didn't try to lose the door and she didn't move from her spot. "Please, go."

She ignored his request and pushed the door open further. He let her, feeling as if it was his defenses, not the door, that she was pushing out of the way. He wanted her to. It had been just over a year since he'd tried to take his life. He was always so lonely, always so weak inside, but no one was allowed to see, or help, him. He wouldn't let it.

"Oh, Heero," she whispered. She grabbed hold of his wrist and pulled it into her view, and gazed at the scar with sad eyes. "It was Duo who found you. You were so disoriented, but still so focused on your goal. He called out for everyone, I was the second to arrive after Duo. He'd already put pressure on your wounds, with my help."

His defenses were falling twice as fast as he could build them up. Tears lined his eyes as he stood there helplessly.

"Others came. An ambulance was called and you were soon off to the hospital." She kissed the scar softly. "I never understood why, exactly, you felt such a need."

Images of that night flashed into his mind. It was his birthday, his real birthday, and he was drunk. He'd celebrated it once again, all on his own.

"You're acting like last year, Heero."

He pulled his arm away and glared at her darkly. There were so many bad experiences to make him who he was.

He wasn't sure who or what he wanted to be. He was the 'Perfect Soldier', but he didn't want to be. He didn't need to be anymore.

"You're on vacation until I think you're doing better. That means no leaving the mansion grounds," she ordered.

For once, emotion flashed through his face. He was shocked by her request. He never thought that she would ban him like that. He was grounded, like a child.

"Heero."

She came closer and placed her hand to his cheek gently. He openly tilted his head into the kind gesture. Finally, he believed, that he was ready to get close to someone. That he could finally put the past behind him, but he needed help.

"I love you, Heero," she admitted softly. Still, he was silent, in his own world. "I'll take good care of you until such time you get back on your feet."

"I'm fine!" he shouted, not bothering to hide his anger. He was tired of hiding.

"You slit your wrists!"

"That was last year!" his voice rose with anger. He couldn't stop himself. "And it's none of your business! Just keep your nose out of my life! Stop trying to make it hurt!"

He was shaking and unable to control himself. At the brink of tears and choking back sobs, he stood at her mercy.

She didn't offer any.

"Dinner will be sent up here in half an hour," she whispered. "If you leave this room at any point without my knowledge, you won't be working for me any longer, nor will you have a place in this mansion."

"You're not being fair!"

She brushed a tear from the corner of his eye. "Be a good boy for me, Yuy." With a dark frown, he nodded. "You have to trust me right now. I'm going to help you, but you have to want me to help you."

"Still, control-"

"Give me all of your guns."

They both knew it was his fault she was doing this. He'd read an article on radical, 'at home' methods for treating someone who was depressed and suicidal. He left it on her nightstand a few weeks prior, in hopes that she would hear his silent cry for help. This particular method left his life in her control. Not his every action, but most of them. He had to depend on her now. He took a deep breath.

"Do I get a choice?"

She pulled her hand away and walked towards the door. He nodded and sat down on the bed. In a way he was happy, but now he was a caged animal.

She stood in the doorway and leaned against the frame as she sighed heavily.

"You don't really want this, do you, Heero?" she asked, her gaze falling towards the ground.

"No, maybe not."

"What do you want?"

"Someone to love me," he replied, tears slipping down his cheek. "During my training, we had to be taught not to feel, to act on instinct and not emotion. In order not to feel anymore, we're beaten and raped, and then it happens all over again several times a day."

"They desensitized you the best they could, but somehow your heart is so kind." She turned to face him. "You said "we", what happened to the others?"

"They went insane."

"It must have been tough..." She walked closer to him.

"We were exposed to war, and death, and whatever else would help their cause," he continued. He inched back on his bed and drew his knees to his chest. "Sometimes I wish that I'd gone crazy as well, or maybe that I'd have died somehow."

"Don't say that."

"Why not?" He looked up at her sadly. "Look at all I've done. I hurt people without a second thought, killed and never blinked when I did."

"Heero." She was in reach, tears glittering in her eyes. "They were perverts, Heero. Sick, sick men using children just because they could. They didn't do it to train you."

"I need help, and love."

"Do you need them?" she questioned. He looked up at her, obviously confused. "Love, perhaps. But you have to learn how to love. As for help, I think it's more want, than need. When you want to be, you are so strong, and you could help yourself with that strength."

She sat down next to him with a heavy sigh. He smiled slightly and leaned against her. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and closed her eyes. Both were silent until Heero finally spoke up.

"I do know something I need."

"What's that?"

He smiled and closed his eyes, enjoying her embrace.

"You."

* * *

I know it's sappy… I kinda like it that way. Well, fell free to critisize me any way you wish!

Makami


End file.
